how to read a biology text book: an exercise in 12 steps
Thursday, July 17, 2008
(originally from fall 2006)
1. Procrastinate buying the book as long as possible. Look for it at the Student Senate sale, check out all the standard online options, and go through roommates’ shelves. The edition really doesn’t matter much. If you have it by the second week of class, consider yourself an overachiever.
2. Take a nap. You’ll need a lot of energy before you can possibly begin reading.
3. Copyedit as you go. Take particular glee in adding commas, correcting the omnipresent its/it’s dilemma, and generally editing for brevity and clarity with a bright red pen.
4. Count how many pages you have to go. Keep a running countdown at the top of every page.
5. Take awhile to look at all the pictures. Add moustaches.
6. Since your book is presumably used, read all the non-scientific notes written by previous owners. Using this material, draft a quick character sketch of a particular individual.
7. Attempt reading the paragraphs again.
8. If you find yourself lost in a vast sea of dry material, ditch the book and find a "study" partner of the opposite sex. Why read when you can conduct your own hands-on experiments?
9. Return to the book. Take several deep breaths.
10. Realize the futility of this procedure and spend your time more effectively: call a fellow English major and complain vehemently in eloquent words the authors of your text could only dream of knowing.
11. Open the book one more time. Prop eyes open with thumb and forefinger.
12. Give up. Nobody really reads those books anyway.
